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[!Why perfectionism?]- ego: tries to protect us from shame/embarrassment

Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good - John Steinbeck

How to Overcome Perfectionism (and the Anxiety it Causes) - College Info Geek - YouTube

If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule - 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt - it prevents us and our needs from being seen

  • When perfectionism is driving
    • shame is in the passenger seat
    • Fear is the backseat driver

Definition of perfectionism

[[Progress]] and Perfectionism are opposites



  • internally motivated by their high standards
  • not compromising their self esteem
  • not hyper critical of their work or themselves
  • invest massive time & energy into projects


  • pressure to meeting impossible standards
    • setting yourself to fail
  • Procrastinate
    • tasks are monumental
    • constantly tweaking and not publishing
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Concern about what others think

Since nothing is perfect - you keep on doing the next thing and the next thing ...

Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?

  • I'm not good enough to be a perfectionist

How to address

  1. Give yourself time
  2. reframe: rest is equally as important as working
    1. work out: breaking muscle down
    2. rest: building that muscle back up
  3. realistic deadlines
  4. Self compassion
  5. Change where you look for validation
    1. social media likes
    2. pay raises

Alternative to Perfectionism

Mastery & Excellence & Healthy striving - internally focused

Perfectionism * what will people think? - comprehensive knowledge or skill in a subject or accomplishment

[[ADHD Samskaras#I'm not ready]]

Brene Brown: uncommunicated expectation to new husband to decorate house during birthday

"did you ask him for what you needed?"

"if I have to ask him, then he's not worth it"

"Maybe if you're afraid to ask, you're afraid you're not worth it?"

People would rather die than be that vulnerable: " this is what a birthday would look like for me: balloons

When you use the word overwhelmed: it shuts down the brain, the only response is 15 mins of nothing - The words we use shape how we feel - Baking a cookie: using different mixing bowls change the flavor of the cookie, the mixing bowl is an active ingredient

Last update: 2023-04-24