Perfectionism
[!Why perfectionism?]- ego: tries to protect us from shame/embarrassment
Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good - John Steinbeck
How to Overcome Perfectionism (and the Anxiety it Causes) - College Info Geek - YouTube
If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism, blame and ridicule - 20-ton shield that we carry around hoping that it will keep us from being hurt - it prevents us and our needs from being seen
- When perfectionism is driving
- shame is in the passenger seat
- Fear is the backseat driver
Definition of perfectionism¶
[[Progress]] and Perfectionism are opposites
Spectrum
Adaptive¶
- internally motivated by their high standards
- not compromising their self esteem
- not hyper critical of their work or themselves
- invest massive time & energy into projects
Maladaptive¶
- pressure to meeting impossible standards
- setting yourself to fail
- Procrastinate
- tasks are monumental
- constantly tweaking and not publishing
- Anxiety and depression
- Concern about what others think
Since nothing is perfect - you keep on doing the next thing and the next thing ...
Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?
- I'm not good enough to be a perfectionist
How to address¶
- Give yourself time
- reframe: rest is equally as important as working
- work out: breaking muscle down
- rest: building that muscle back up
- realistic deadlines
- Self compassion
- Change where you look for validation
- social media likes
- pay raises
Alternative to Perfectionism¶
Mastery & Excellence & Healthy striving - internally focused
Perfectionism * what will people think? - comprehensive knowledge or skill in a subject or accomplishment
[[ADHD Samskaras#I'm not ready]]
Brene Brown: uncommunicated expectation to new husband to decorate house during birthday
"did you ask him for what you needed?"
"if I have to ask him, then he's not worth it"
"Maybe if you're afraid to ask, you're afraid you're not worth it?"
People would rather die than be that vulnerable: " this is what a birthday would look like for me: balloons
When you use the word overwhelmed: it shuts down the brain, the only response is 15 mins of nothing - The words we use shape how we feel - Baking a cookie: using different mixing bowls change the flavor of the cookie, the mixing bowl is an active ingredient