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Negotiating Salary

Filling in a position is all about pain

  • I'm more concerned about whether we're a good fit.
  • If we're a great fit, then I can be flexible

Have leverage (multiple offers)

Be pleasantly persistent on non-salary terms

  • Asking for another vacation week because “I’m French”??? Salary terms without success terms is Russian roulette
  • Define success in your position
  • Metrics for your next raise

Spark their interest in your success to recruit them as un-official mentors

  • What does it take to be successful here?
  • They will watch to see if you follow their advice
  • Personal stake in seeing you succeed
  • They're assessing you for how you will be their ambassador

How did you come up with this salary?

  • People at this company are being paid _____ for this role

Then Ackerman Bargaining

Never Split the Difference

  • No deal is (almost always) better than a bad deal
  • genuinely empathize and understand
    • Every other communication book reminds me of NVC by Marshall B Rosenberg
    • I feel like this book is like another front for mindfulness with military terminology
      • "Tactical grade" empathy and calibrated questions, are just empathy and questions to get to know them better
  • all the “tactics” can also be used to just create more connection with others
  • You can learn about black swans (unknown unknowns)
    • example: the building actually has some structural issues so now we know the value is worth a lot less
  • Deadlines are never ironclad


Calibrated Questions

  • When you hear something you don’t like
  • How, what
  • Example

    • Increased rent -> how am I supposed to pay for that?
      • I want to pay my rent. How am I supposed to afford it? my salary is fixed
    • Get them to help you solve your problem
  • Validate and label their emotions and mirror their words

    • builds trust and safety
    • “That’s right”
  • Say no a lot
    • let them say no
    • “What” questions instead of “why” - Only use them in cases like this - Why would you ever want to switch from Xactly? They’re great
  • “You’re right”

    • they’re not invested or trying to get rid of you
  • “I’ll try” -> “I plan to fail”
  • NFL owners: “We’ve given you a fair offer” (instead of showing their books)

    • It sounds like you’re ready to provide some evidence
  • Tell them your deadline: reduce the risk of impasse, opponent will be quicker to be serious

  • How to respond to: we just want what's fair
    • let's stop everything and go back to where I started treating you unfairly and we'll fix it

Strategic umbrage

  • personally insulted and by a request
  • Creates pressure for you to back off

Negotiating style

  • Accommodator
  • Assertive
  • Analyst
  • How to approach each style?

Ackerman Bargaining

This tip is from Never Split the Difference


Last update: 2023-04-24